the 20th

Well here it is my 20th blog and I have a great story to tell you all today.
Now this blog is sort of like the third and final installment of a loose trilogy concerning people visiting me or me visiting them. Now in Feb Rob came down to visit and we had a great time we did the things that we would of done if we were in the UK, we drank lots of tea, played Pro evo on the X box, went to the cinema and generally had a laugh.
I met up with my friend Grace in Germany, and again the trip sort of emulated the basis of our friendship, we went to museums, independent cinemas and mostly talked about music and films.
Now in Early May Thom and Stiff (Matt) visited and we had a long weekend in Riga. This trip also highlighted what I know about these guys.... funny,intelligent and heroic drinkers.
Now their trip to Latvia went full circle. I am pleased to say that they entered Latvia the same way they left...still pissed from a sleepless night of excessive drinking.
When they both got of the plane I found out they left from Bristol without any sleep and got incredibly drunk on a boat. Both men were a little bleary eyed but they pulled through, we spent the day mostly walking around riga, with me trying to show them the cultural sites and both of them trying their very best to seem interested.
We got to the hostel and the real fun began...only a pound a pint..and free taster shots of some Latvian Balsams got us on the way..and for our first night we went to a Latvian Hockey match.
The game was quite surreal, Latvia was playing Belarus in a friendly, the stadium was packed and the crowed were eager...the best thing about this sporting event was how easy it was to get a beer..with several people dispensing larger to members of the crowd, no one was going thirsty.
After the game we hit the bars with a couple of friends showing us the best places to drink.
The first night was great, it went very smoothly...and by 3 in the morning we were feeling a little peckish so we were taken to this restaurant that was still open and what you do is you take a bowl and then fill it up with anything you desire from the counter...there was these cheese potato dumplings and various kinds of ravioli and sald..some good eaten.
And then destined to break the calmness of the evening we find that Thom was kicked out of the restaurant because the security guy caught pissing him in the sink...the security guard obviously did not understand traditional customs.
After that we tried one more night club...the 48 hours of drinking finally caught up with stiff and he left for the hostel...but even then he didn't go straight to bed but had another beer at the hostel bar.
me and Thom stayed...Thomas was on his A game and unfortunately for him he had to settle for me to take up wingman duties..I tried my best dance moves and by one puzzled lady I was described as a young Jim Carey( not too sure if this was a complement or not)...they also called Thom something which I will have to ask next time I speak to him.

So one evening down two more left...after a days rest for the lads...we were on it once more..this time we had no guides to show us around we were relying on our own senses, wits and experience....and mostly just went to the bars we were in the night before.
In the morning I heard this story from the owner that this guy in one of the rooms was sleeping with a young lady in the room..now these rooms are shared dormitories and the bed they were using was a bunk bed and that they were "rumping in the hay" on the bottom bunk... they created a sense of privacy by using his bed sheet and hanged it around the bed so one can see...but privacy was something that was not going to happen especially when the guy who was on the top bunk pissing himself with laughter at the noises he could here,had his part of the bunk bed collapse on the unsuspecting couple...it was a good job that no one got hurt...later on stiff wanted to know more about the story and so asked this Australian guy we were speaking to "do you know anything about this guy falling through his bed, when his mate was shafting this bird ( sorry stiff this may not of been exactly what you said) the guy replied "yeah it was me" he then told us that that night they got lucky with some local ladies and instead of following the unspeaking rule of shagging in the toilet not the bedroom..his mate gave it beans and subsequently had a 6ft Australian bloke fall on him.

Now Im not a big drinker...Im not sure I have ever been..I can last all night..but usually Im not drunk and that I actually stopped drinking considerably earlier than everyone else.
This does not mean i dont get hammered...there have been very few occasions but they do happen, and on this night it could of happened but I tried to fight it...In one club and im not proud to say this but I knew that I had to sober up..so i forced my self to be sick..its not pleasant I know and even reading this back im deeply ashamed but come on im sure most of you have done worse...... I know I have but family members read this blog.
So I went back upstairs feeling slightly better and told stiff...now Thom at this point is totally unaware and is being hassled by some crazy Latvian lady...but this happens regularly to Thom..or being hassled by some mentalist as he gets away form this trouble he proceeds in buying me and and stiff a pint of lager and a shot called apple pie....so what could I do... the sensible thing, say no, drink a coke....no thats right I maned the fuck up...I drank that shot....i drank that pint....I went home early.

Now the next day....I was rough...the guys looked ok...but felt half dead, I tried for most of the time to catch up, we went to an English bar to watch Chelsea beat Liverpool....drank cider..walked in the sunshine..took it a little easier.
We went to a bar called Cuba..which had all these great postcards covering the wall and then if you look carefully you see that someone has drawn hundreds of cocks everywhere... picture of Bob marley..smoking a cock...two guys playing chess...with cocks.
Now in this bar we had the great game of flipping coasters....even in my state I was on Fire....I flipped 28...so Stiff being the competitive dick he is ...he flipped 30...so i flipped 30 and that bastard flipped 31..alas i couldn't flip 31...but hey im still proud of my achievements.
Now we got back to the hostel...watched the last of anchorman which was on in the the main room...the guys powered on and I went to bed knowing that they had to leave around 9 in the morning.
I woke up around 8 and I see that the guys arnt in bed..so maybe there ready, organised, all packed, showered....in actuality they were still up...still drinking..and I have to say I was slightly impressed.

The guys made it back well and I know that Ive missed a few things out and I might even give this a redux in a couple of weeks...maybe put in some deleted scenes.
But for now Ive wrote enough..im still recovering...and ill have too as in July Thom is coming back and were going to hit the Latvian music festival...and i need to get pub fit..as I said to Thom if this was the premiership id be John Hartson...or maybe Andy Ried.

why so serious

so here is my 19 th blog, one more to go and then Ive hit the big 2 0 which will be also be available to read this week.
Now there are two themes for this blog the first being pranks and the second being birthdays.
To start of with I consider my self to be a serious man....i don't take my self seriously or anything around me seriously but in some sort or strange way i am still quite serious, however others do not and I can understand that...I'm happy, i enjoy a joke and I'm laid back...yet I'm still serious about those things..I take being laid ....back very seriously...its not easy you know it takes years of practice and a lot of hard work.
I like jokes ....like most people do...I try to make a joke of most things to look at life with humor, i enjoy the odd occasion of mischief and I have even been know to get up to the odd bit of hi-jinx but one thing I have never really understood is the Prank.
I ve seen some pranks in my day and I have even been a subject of some...but I have never really understood how to pull one of...or even why.
There is a fine art to pull of a good prank...its not easy..the fall out of a prank cant be swept aside as easily as a sarcastic comment or a a crude remark about someones Gran...the Prank needs to be well timed, well judged and very well executed..there is the balance of making the subject of your pranks look like a dick and then make it so good that they are laughing along...if you don't get them laughing ...then it was probably very very funny for everyone else.....except for that person and sure they may have been smiling at the time...but four glasses of sambuca later and they just wont let it lie...and forever that person will remind you of the time that you fucked them over for a joke.

Now where I work we pulled a "Birthday" prank on the security guy that works here..its his job to make sure that everything is in place, in order and nothing is missing..so in the morning me and some others got to work early stole some computers...hid the photocopier crushed some pills on the table....lefts open condoms all over the place...porn magazines ..booze..ashtrays fill with fags..and left the video camera in the corner of the room in a high place to film what will happen next.
The security guy got a call from two guys from the local government saying that they will be doing a check with him in the morning now these were actors..friends of my boss ieva..so when he got to the office saw the mess he was shocked, surprised and found it very funny..that was a good prank..in the video you could see that he fell for it and not only that proceeded to blame thibault for the mess.
It was good...a little mean i guess because the two actors took there role a bit too serious but everyone found it funny and we joked about it all day with some lovely cake....now in the back of my mind i couldn't stop thinking...fuck its my birthday soon...i hope they don't realise.

Now my birthday came up and I was starting to worry that i may have to suffer a prank..which i was worried about because I'm not very good at them...i get suspicious but i don't want to stop trusting people, i get confused and then I don't know how to react afterwards...i knew it was going to be a long day.
So i got up in the morning because i was helping in the nursery that day, made some cheese and pickle sandwiches for a birthday treat, had my Mojo magazine sent from England in my bag..and all the ingredients for a awesome veggie fry up were waiting for me when i got back to the flat...its the little things in life that really matter.
Now i got to work...nothing...someone wished me birthday so the rest of work then said why didn't I say anything so I went to my computer and started my work for the day knowing that soon it will be cheese and pickle time.
however....this was not to be the case and within half hour I got a call.."sonny" "come here" so it turns out work didn't forget and there was a surprise...a prank if you will.
So i was blindfolded and put into a car and to be taken to a secret location.
Then when we stopped I was allowed to get out of the car take of my blindfold and see that i was standing in front of a church and standing where the priest would be situated my boss was holding a pillow with two rings announcing that today was going to be a very special day for me...today will be the day that i marry a Latvian.
So im given a choice of three women...a big boned lady with no money but she does come with a lottery ticket....an elderly Indian woman who comes with a big family but also a sachet of pumpkin seeds and a beautiful blond who comes with a plaster for the bruise i will surly get after being punched in the face from her hockey playing husband.
So at this point staring at the three marriage certificates all looking very real and all waiting for my signature..i started to get confused, i understood it was a joke but i was not sure where this joke was going...so i was blindfolded once more and i was told that i was going to a place where men go to think about such difficult decisions before their wedding day....then i was really confused because i looked every where for a strip club and never found one..however when my boss saw what i was thinking she said not the kind of place English guys go to before a wedding.
Si we pulled up to this building, took my blindfold of and i see that its a massage parlor and that the guys from work have treated me to a massage ( which i needed badly having been forced to sleep on a hard ish sofa bed for the last 8 months) so after 30 mins of an awesome massage, i started to understand that Latvians love a story and that even there presents and gifts are wrapped up in stories and jokes and pranks and my boss was right it was a very memorable day for me...luckily i was not forced to marry anyone in the end but i was given a huge bag of soil to take home.

It was pretty strange to have my birthday away from the loved ones at home, no drinking in the milly, no dancing at 2 in the morning in Ride 2, no Jakes or goodbodys to finish the whole event off...but I still had a great time...just very very surreal